Budget Beer Reviews #4 - Brouwerji Martens: Maternus Gold
The Brewery
(Brouwerji) Martens is a "proud and ambitious" family business, founded in 1758 in Bocholt Belgium[1]. Martens is the third largest beer producer in Belgium, producing an astonishing 3.6 million hl per year. They are the supplier of private brands for large supermarket chains such as Aldi, Makro, Carrefour and Cora.In 1758 the brewery was founded as an annex to a village inn, but in 1823 Theodorus Martens married into the family. Theoderus was the son of a brewer, and from him the company takes its name. The company began brewing lager style beers in 1923, but in 1962 shifted towards strictly brewing half of their beer according to the Reinheitsgebot[2] for export to Germany. In fact, 85% of the beer produced at Martens is destined for export[3].
Martens produce a staggering number of beers under their name, and varying other brands such as: Martens, Maternus, Schutters, Kristoffel, Karlskone, Holtland and many others. In 2008 Martens also began producing beer for the Chinese market[4], so Martens is clearly a very successful business. Is this because of the top-shelf quality of their mass-produced beers? Let's find out.
I have had one of their other "beers", simply called Maternus. It's a premium pilsner[6], and I gave it a 1.5/5.0 on Untappd[7]. Look this might seem like I'm picking some low hanging fruit by reviewing this beer, but it was one of the only beers they sell in Aldi here! So, hey, I work with what I've got.....
First Impressions
Okay, it's not a great start with the look, since it comes in a clear PET bottle. In fact, it never looks great when your "premium beverage" is served in the same container as turpentine. The label itself is an oval-shaped, old-school European style green and gold affair, although it's got a very 60s aesthetic, owing largely to the clear plastic bottle, which isn't a bad thing I guess. If you didn't know any better[8], you might think that this is some strange European soft drink that nobody else drinks outside of a 2 kilometre radius of a haunted, unknown village.
The label reads "Fine, fresh, mild beer consumption", and "Brewed according the German Reinheitsgebot[9]", and "Premium quality". Okay label, I respect your unfounded and easily disproven optimism.
I poured the beer into a glass, and it was like watching a starfish being born, as absolutely no head was formed[10]. To its credit it looks bright golden, and effervescent. If nothing else, this might be a light flavoured refreshing brew.
The nose carries sweet grain, straw and wet cardboard. It has the smell of a bar that refuses to clean their carpet, and it does not bode well for the tasting. In my honest opinion, I have not been above cheap beer in my past, and that is exactly what this beer smells like. A very cheap, fun night in[11]. Listen, I'm trying to keep an open mind here.....
The label reads "Fine, fresh, mild beer consumption", and "Brewed according the German Reinheitsgebot[9]", and "Premium quality". Okay label, I respect your unfounded and easily disproven optimism.
I poured the beer into a glass, and it was like watching a starfish being born, as absolutely no head was formed[10]. To its credit it looks bright golden, and effervescent. If nothing else, this might be a light flavoured refreshing brew.
The nose carries sweet grain, straw and wet cardboard. It has the smell of a bar that refuses to clean their carpet, and it does not bode well for the tasting. In my honest opinion, I have not been above cheap beer in my past, and that is exactly what this beer smells like. A very cheap, fun night in[11]. Listen, I'm trying to keep an open mind here.....
The Tasting
Okay, consider my mind firmly shut. This taste is of straw, sweet, but dirty water, and supermarket white sandwich bread. There is far too much carbonation here, to the point of it being a beer flavoured soft drink, and this effervescent mouthfeel somehow outlasts the actual "flavour". This might actually be the best thing about Maternus Gold, it is over pretty quickly. It's like getting tortured by a weapons-grade sadist, but they give up after 15 seconds for some merciful reason.Unfortunately for me, I appear to have purchased a magical, never-ending bottle of Maternus Gold, as I swear I've been drinking this for an hour, and I still have three quarters of it left.
I can't actually find any official tasting notes for Maternus Gold, except for on their official website which reads "4.6%". Since this isn't the ABV written on the bottle, it must be the "effort put in by the brewer". So, instead, I'll have to turn to beer rating websites to see what others think, and to see what we agreed on, and what I missed. Well, a lot of people noticed the straw, grain and cardboard. Others noticed the heightened carbonation, but I missed the sawdust. Sawdust is often the mark of a great beer, so shame on me. One particularly charitable reviewer claimed that it was "not offensive, just bland", and I can sort of see what they mean[12].
Final Thoughts
My experience with Maternus Gold was not a good one. It is the very definition of a macro-lager, and it tastes like one of those beers that absolutely nobody in the brewery cares about. But honestly, it costs 0.30€ per bottle. I expected it to be a cheap tasting beer, and it absolutely knocked being a cheap tasting beer out of the park.
This is the kind of beer you might buy if you were out of money and you have no other options. So, is it a good beer? Definitely not. Is it a beer? Well, yes, but in the same way that I'm a male underwear model just because I'm wearing boxer briefs today, and my gym doesn't have a change room. Is it a? Even though that makes no sense, no, it isn't the letter a.
This is the kind of beer you might buy if you were out of money and you have no other options. So, is it a good beer? Definitely not. Is it a beer? Well, yes, but in the same way that I'm a male underwear model just because I'm wearing boxer briefs today, and my gym doesn't have a change room. Is it a? Even though that makes no sense, no, it isn't the letter a.
So who could I recommend this beer to? Could I recommend it to a craft beer snob? No, unless they were up for a laugh. Could I recommend it to someone who needs beer for a party, but doesn't want to spend much? Still no. There are slightly more expensive options that aren't this bad. Could I recommend this to my worst enemy? Yes. Absolutely, and I'd happily buy them[13] a whole six-pack.
In closing, this beer is exactly what you might expect a 0.30€ beer to be, but ironically, it is also literally the opposite of what it says on the label. There is no quality "beer flavour" to be found here, but you would be fool to have even thought there might be. It's just a bad hangover in a recyclable PET bottle.
In closing, this beer is exactly what you might expect a 0.30€ beer to be, but ironically, it is also literally the opposite of what it says on the label. There is no quality "beer flavour" to be found here, but you would be fool to have even thought there might be. It's just a bad hangover in a recyclable PET bottle.
| Brewery | Brouwerji Martens |
|---|---|
| Beer | Maternus Gold |
| Style | Pale Lager |
| Alcohol | 4.9% |
| IBU | No IBU |
| Price | 0.30€ |
| Untappd Global Score | 2.37 |
| My Untappd Score | 1.0 |
Footnotes
[1] In east Belgium near the borders of both the Netherlands and Germany.
[2] The German purity law. This old German law, originating in 1487, states that beer may only be made from water, malted barley and hops. Oh, and yeast was allowed after they discovered it. Oh! And wheat, bayleaves and coriander. Naturally.
[3] What does it say about your beer when 85% leaves the country? Clearly, it is either that the Belgians appear to have a more refined taste in beer, or (more likely), Martens have a personal vendetta against the Germans, and they exact their revenge via inflicting this beer upon the German people.
[4] Which I bet isn't the beer equivalent of a horror movie being played in a kindergarten, at all[5].
[5] One should never judge a beer before they try it, but sometimes are preconceptions are probably pretty reliable.
[6] For what can only be described as generous definitions of the words "premium" and "pilsner".
[7] I noted that "even at 1.79€ for a six-pack it was deeply disappointing, and felt like a personal insult". It's never a good sign when you mention the price of a beer in justify its existence.
[8] And you probably don't, seeing as how you're drinking a beer that is cheaper than the recycling refund you get back.
[9] You know when you accidentally read words that are not there? I did that here, and actually read "Brewed according to three minutes research into beer". The human mind is amazing.
[10] Note, the starfish is one of the few animals that has no head. There it was. The cleverest science joke I'll ever make.
[11] Followed by the gentle sobs that only a very unpleasant draught beer hangover can produce.
[12] He also stated that "I note that the only other person drinking this is a guy under a blanket outside of Aldi", so it's a bit of gave and take with this review.
[13] You know what you did Tori Spelling. You know.
[2] The German purity law. This old German law, originating in 1487, states that beer may only be made from water, malted barley and hops. Oh, and yeast was allowed after they discovered it. Oh! And wheat, bayleaves and coriander. Naturally.
[3] What does it say about your beer when 85% leaves the country? Clearly, it is either that the Belgians appear to have a more refined taste in beer, or (more likely), Martens have a personal vendetta against the Germans, and they exact their revenge via inflicting this beer upon the German people.
[4] Which I bet isn't the beer equivalent of a horror movie being played in a kindergarten, at all[5].
[5] One should never judge a beer before they try it, but sometimes are preconceptions are probably pretty reliable.
[6] For what can only be described as generous definitions of the words "premium" and "pilsner".
[7] I noted that "even at 1.79€ for a six-pack it was deeply disappointing, and felt like a personal insult". It's never a good sign when you mention the price of a beer in justify its existence.
[8] And you probably don't, seeing as how you're drinking a beer that is cheaper than the recycling refund you get back.
[9] You know when you accidentally read words that are not there? I did that here, and actually read "Brewed according to three minutes research into beer". The human mind is amazing.
[10] Note, the starfish is one of the few animals that has no head. There it was. The cleverest science joke I'll ever make.
[11] Followed by the gentle sobs that only a very unpleasant draught beer hangover can produce.
[12] He also stated that "I note that the only other person drinking this is a guy under a blanket outside of Aldi", so it's a bit of gave and take with this review.
[13] You know what you did Tori Spelling. You know.
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